Driving

Aussie drivers are mental.

Well, I will change that statement.

Perth drivers are mental.

The East Coast is apparently not that great, but people who have driven in the East and West say that Perth is the worst.

The rules of the road here include :

Tailgating is compulsary

Staying in one lane is a bad idea

Swerving about whatever lane you are in at the moment is beneficial

If someone indicates that they are changing into your lane, you MUST accelerate to prevent them from doing so

As a follow on from above : if you want to change lane, do it as fast as possible into as small a gap as possible, without ever indicating (if you indicate, they will block you)

If your exit is coming up, move into the “slow” lane and accelerate as fast as you can, so you are doing a really high speed as you reach the end of the exit slipway

You should drive the largest car you can afford, the wider the better

50% of the cars on the road should display a sticker on the back saying either “F$@k off, we’re full” or “If you dont love it, LEAVE”

A UTE is the prefered method of transit

If you have a UTE, you need to get a dog so it can sit in the back of the UTE

When parking, the best places are not tarmac, they are on grass.

When parking in a car park, ignore the many empty spaces and instead park at the sides, on grass if possible, to reduce the number of steps to whereever you are going (This will be demonstrated at a later date with pictures)

When lanes merge – try your damnest to edge in front of the other car in the other lane. Even if you could have slotted in easily behind them, you MUST get in front. He will be trying to get in front of you too – your manhood depends on you getting in front.

Aim for bikes – motor, or pedal

Speeding is evil. Do not speed. Ever.

Drink driving is not a problem. If you can get the key into the lock, you are fit to drive. Hurrah for remote locking.

Driving while as high as a kite is also fine. The same rules apply as drink driving.

There are some differences in the driving here …
Traffic lights take forever! The majority of traffic lights are large affairs, and have filter lanes. The people turning right get to go, then the people going straight on, then the other set of people turning right, then the other people going straight on. You can wait on your green light for an age. And it is a green light. No amber. No prepping to get ready to go on green. Its red, red, red, red, red, GREEN GO! GO! GO! Then you get amber to warn you that you are going to have to stop soon. Then finally red. And you have to wait forever to go again. The amber light seems to last longer. When we get back, we will skip a few red lights as we are used to the amber being on so long 🙂

The Aussie slip roads onto freeways work slightly differently from UK sliproads onto motorways. They basically add another lane, then remove it. Leaving the two lanes to merge into one. Like that bit on the way back from Edinburgh on the M8 at Livingston. The person who is ahead has right of way. So, there is a lot of acceleration to be the one ahead. So, there is a lot of emergency braking. So, there is a lot of bumps, and the freeway grinds to a halt early in the morning. They are very fond of this manner of traffic management. You will frequently be going along a two lane road in the burbs and if you dont spot the “Form One Lane” sign, it can come as a fright when a giant 4×4 tries to side swipe you.

We thought there were a lot of rude people on the roads when we first arrived. Not sure my opinion has changed, but at least we have a reason for it now! The freeway has an upper limit of 100kph (60mph) but it also has a lower limit of 80kph (50mph). They rarely speed, so you try and overtake someone when your restricted to 10mph of each other. It leads to two cars side by side, one edging ahead slightly over a long time. Its like being stuck behind two trucks on the M8. The other thing that makes it all seem rather rude, is that while you are encouraged to move to the left and keep the slow lane left and the fast lane right …. undertaking is perfectly legal. So, if someone is doing 80kph, they are perfectly entitled to sit in the “fast” lane. We had repeatedly been stuck behind someone doing just that, getting frustrated that they wouldnt pull over. Getting annoyed at the idiots undertaking us. Except thats all fine and legal. There is a lot of weaving from lane to lane to get where you are going a few seconds faster.

There is more to come here, but I figure thats enough for now, keep watching for Driving (Part 2) in the future!